It Ain't No Lie: I Am Bi, Bi, Bi (Even When I'm with a Guy)

May 17 is the International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia, and Transphobia. That’s right, a whole, long-windedly named day reminding people not to be jerks to the LGBTQ+ community.

As a bisexual/pansexual woman who has traditionally only been in long-term relationships with men, I often feel invisible in the queer community. But my experiences and attractions are just as valid as anyone else’s, and it’s time to speak out.

Straight Passing

Let’s get one thing straight: being bisexual doesn’t mean I’m confused, indecisive, or experimenting. It means I am attracted to people of both genders (and everything in between). And yet, I’ve encountered invalidation from both straight and queer people. Some say I’m “not gay enough” to be part of the community, while others assume I’m just “passing through” on my way to being straight or gay. I’ve even had my sexuality referred to as a “trend”.

The truth is, bisexuality is often misunderstood, dismissed, or even fetishized. It’s seen as a phase or a stepping stone, rather than a legitimate sexual orientation. And the erasure of bisexuals who are in opposite-gender relationships only compounds the problem.

The fact that I’m currently dating a man doesn’t make me any less bisexual. Honestly, after all men have put me through I think my attraction to them proves that bisexuality isn’t a choice. I didn’t choose who I fell in love with, and neither does anyone else. And just because I’m currently in a relationship with a man doesn’t mean that my attraction to women, non-binary folks, or anyone in between has magically disappeared.

Choosing burgers for dinner one night doesn’t mean tacos are forever off the menu. We can sample the whole buffet if that’s what we crave!

All Kinds of Kinds (Can Be Kind)

It’s frustrating to feel like my identity is constantly being questioned and invalidated. But I also know I’m not alone. There are countless other “invisible” bisexuals out there in similar situations. Our experiences and feelings are valid, regardless of who we love.

So, on this International Day Against (Why Don’t We Just Call It Queerphobia?), I want to remind everyone that sexuality is complex, nuanced, and unique. We don’t fit into neat little boxes, and that’s incredible! We should be celebrating the diversity of the LGBTQ+ community, rather than trying to exclude each other from it.

And if you’re that angry because someone else is trying to find a small ray of happiness in this life, maybe you can find inner peace by minding your own fucking business.

To my fellow invisible bisexuals, know that you are not alone. Your experiences are real, your attractions are valid, and your identity is important. You are also undoubtedly smoking hot. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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