Indelibly Broken

Gripped with panic

As realization dawns.

A moment of terror

It’s all in my head

I know.

ADD freezes my brain momentarily

I just need a break.

Pause.

Take a breather and

Get it back together.

I sit

Pick up my book

Try to read and

Just relax.

The words on the page won’t register.

I don’t understand the letters.

It’s just black marks

On white paper.

I blink hard and try again.

It’s still not making sense.

What the hell?

I’m not dyslexic.

I learned to read when I was only four.

What’s going on?

Gripped with panic

I lie back and

Close my eyes

Breathe.

I know.

I have always known.

My brain is indelibly broken.

I’ve masked it

For an eternity. ADD.

But this is new.

Different.

Terrifying.

Am I having a stroke?

I check myself and

Everything else seems to be working.

Is this dementia or Alzheimer’s?

Do have a tumor?

I don’t think so.

Just a short circuit

In the darkest recesses of

My indelibly broken brain.

Try to relax

This too shall pass.

I close my eyes and

I’m flooded with memories.

So many times I was wronged.

Scarred and indelibly broken.

I’ve patched myself up.

Put my broken heart back together but

It is still indelibly broken.

Cracks still visible

Are part of its beauty.

But I can’t help but wonder

Are my memories

Like the words on the page

Misinterpreted by

My broken brain?

Perhaps

It very well could have been

Me all along.

This piece was originally published on Medium.