Inception

it’s the black ink stains on my journal pages that are a ‘pour’tal for my emotions, allowing me to experience my souls voice. it’s a promising sensation that fate won’t repeat itself again. and that the past has been skilfully created; for me to experience this given moment would have to stem from a deeper understanding.

as i erase history and release the debris of agony that exists within me, i set myself free of this fleshy illusion defined by what could have been. deep beneath the surface is complete darkness, the unknown, and the never-ending search for self. i now open my heart to destiny and hold this infinite black space of uncertainty full of wisdom and wealth.

my being; a weightless divinity, a foreigner inside my own material body and stranger to this moment, now curiously becomes aroused. i start flirting with my shadow, knowing damn well i didn’t want to be seduced by her, or did i? my broken heart wanted to contemplate this intimate moment. vulnerable to what it could find, to what could be, so i cautiously let her hold me. she stroked my hair, undressed my ego, massaged my mind and caressed my soul. her sacred breath collapsed time with these lessons she spoke, and melted me into harmony; i was experiencing heaven within hell, this divine dance between a beautiful nightmare and a satisfying dream. she lead and i followed, as she guided us out of the abyss and into this trance, where nothing and everything simultaneously exist, this black space opened up further, filled with nothing but unlimited possibilities. this is where i find myself; through the hidden pathways of mysterious creation where i’m finally free, to be, who i am truly meant to be.

my significance is in my indifferences - my scars; a map of beauty that highlight the journey that took me so far, ultimately leading me back to me. my gentle strength is in the knowing that i am never alone and that i find myself in loss, in absence, i find my way to nirvana through me. i’m different because i’m real. its the way my trauma adorns me, the way my flaws caress me like a little black dress. it’s my understanding of this pain that adds depth to me; it’s how i transcend what i feel. it’s because of pain, i’m not the same. pain birthed my purpose and without purpose, these words are just poetry.

these words that have immortalised me.