In Love With Your Memory.

Your presence still lingers wherever I go,

Not from your words, nor vitriol,

But a love so deep it carved itself into my bones.

A love that made me feel things I didn’t know existed,

A burning fire, a home, a warmth that I was gifted.

When you left, you left me all alone,

You took that fire with you, and left me in the cold,

How do you replace the love that rewrote the language of your soul?

I’ve been told to move on,

Start healing, go find somebody new,

But how do you heal from the one who was your world?

How can I find somebody new, when all I wish is they were you?

I have not healed, nor have I let go,

I have not once felt the peace I found in every moment I held you close.

I can’t even keep trying to pretend I have nor will I even say it, it’s gotten too exhausting,

The way you’re still on my mind from day to day, from morn to night to mourning.

It’s a painful endeavour, to even admit, but I'm not the man I was with you,

I never could be, with the damage you did,

I can’t lie and say I don't miss him, in truth I truly do,

I miss the man who you taught to feel love and joy, to know of happinesses true,

I miss the man I was before you broke me,

When the clouds descended upon me, while the sunlight followed you.

All I can do is carry the wreckage,

Muted monotone steps as I stumble over the debris,

My hands, cupped in front of me, holding the fragments of my soul.

Sometimes I try to put it back together, but I miss one crucial piece,

The heart shaped one that when you left, got stuck to you, not me.

A broken heart, a muddled soul and something that numbs them both,

I know I’d never pay this price to be loved by anyone else,

But you? Oh, you were my everything, you were my love, you were all that I adore,

But to me you’re still all of that, my first love, my joy in such galore,

If I could pay with heart and soul to hold you, I’d have my hands now on your hips.

But I know the time has passed and I never got the chance,

I truly did, really, fight with all my might,

When I gave my all and lost more than what I had,

All that was left is relearning how to breathe,

When I know deep down I'm still carrying my love for you,

It broke me one last time when you admitted something that beat my heart 'til black and blue,

You never really loved me.

But I can’t stop loving you.