in between this and that

thoughts twice the size of my body

racing through cyberspace

i don’t know the final destination

nowhere to land

no safe ground

fighting

struggling

wrestling to be here and now

each thought has too much time

cultivating in the womb

had Its own birth

Its ownlife

a slow, agonizing death

is this it?

is this all there is?

where we were once connected

linked arm in arm

tied at the hip

equally yoked

locked eye to eye

i can no longer see

where does my body end and yours begin

where does my body end and the world begin

a thought bubbled

a dream

a nightmare maybe

i can’t decide which

i stood on a bridge

others were on it too

do i go forward?

to green grasses

mossy trees

solitude

seems nice enough

others turn around

to towering skyscrapers

paved roads

hot, sticky gray air

plank by plank

the bridge violently began to disappear

people rapidly dropped into the void

where did they go?

i don’t know

do you know?

some ran forward

some ran backward

i was in between

i was in the middle

my feet

glued to the bridge

my thoughts pinning me to this moment

how do i get out?

how do i get free?

the gray air started to thunder

undeterred, an old man was walking that way

why are you going to all that?

why aren’t you going forward?

i am going forward

you’re going backward

the other way is unknown

uncertain

if i go this way, they said

i can have anything i want

who’s they?

what’s the other way?

which way is the right way?

no answer

no answer

a woman ran

opposite the old man

she yelled to me

don’t go that way

the people are hungry

unsatisfiable

it is not a way to live

my body jolted

like when you wake up

from a dream where

you fall off a cliff

eyes slowly peeling open

afraid of what i might see

where am I?

was that real?

is this real?

nothing is real

the woman from the bridge was

calling to me but i couldn’t see her

her voice a distant echo

keep moving

where are we going?

no reply

more attempts

still no reply

hours

days

just walking

no talking

just walking

no talking

just walking

no talking

blistered

calloused feet

tired

hungry

dirty

tired

crying

my mind beginning to race again

i begged the woman to tell me

who

what

where

why

her reply

let yourself heal

this isn't healing

this hurts

let yourself heal

why does this healing hurt so bad

can i heal from healing?

or will that hurt twice as much as

normal healing?

stopping suddenly

she stepped aside

i saw myself

another self that was me

i looked

like a hologram

an avatar

floating

pulsing

in an imaginary game

is this a game?

is this a hoax?

i am ready for it to be over

ready for this thought to die

that version of me was...

better? cleaner? smarter?

something i could not reach

happier, seeming

at the very least

how do i become that version?

i looked at the woman

no answer

i asked that version of me the same

i didn't like the reply

go back to the other side

what?

no

don’t return

no

unless

no

you bring someone with you

no, that can’t be right

then

please stop

do it again

no

are you sure?

no

no one is sure