Impossible to Hold

People who are desired don’t have to dream themselves to sleep

I dream of touch because my waking life withholds it

And fall asleep replaying imagined moments

It’s a closeness that happens only when my eyes are closed

◦

These fantasies exist where no one else can witness

Thoughts that only surface in the dark

Where desires feel safer unspoken

It’s an intimacy that never crosses skin, only thought

◦

I wonder if you live in someone else’s imagination too

The way you live in mine when the house is finally quiet

Imagining “if it were just us”

Knowing exactly what I’d do but never actually doing it

◦

I practice a life I’ll never enter

Blushing alone at my own thoughts

Quietly hoping imagination travels both ways

Wishing our timelines had shifted just enough for me to love you

◦

It isn’t about hoping that you want me

It’s about the ache of never knowing

Missing a version of me you’ll never get to know

And feeling a little foolish for hoping so

◦

Am I disloyal for imagining a world where I am wanted

Am I weak for dreaming of being touched with ease

It’s a hunger without action

And my imagination is doing exactly what it is designed to

◦

So…I’m dreaming of moments that will never happen

Knowing that some longings must stay unclaimed

Acknowledging that hunger alone, does not harm

And I accepted that some loves exist only as questions

◦

Like this one, never meant to be answered…