An Emotional Winter

I didn’t realize how cold I had been living

They say neglected people are sensitive to warmth

And I am starving for light

That must be why you illuminated what was dark within me

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As much as I wanted to ignite you, I knew It needed to be extinguished

If I fed it, it would grow

If I ignored it, it would still ache

It was something so pure that still causes harm if I touched you

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It was a temptation that felt gentle, not reckless

You were a flame I wasn’t allowed to warm myself by

I could only feel your warmth through a glass

My first warmth after a long long winter

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I thought I was ash but I caught some light

I discovered that I can still ignite

What terror it was to realize the fault was never my lack of fuel

And how easily I burned when I was noticed

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I found a light that revealed

Maybe a light that was mistaken for heat

You were the match not the fire

Only the reflection of the flame on the glass

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A gentleness can really feel erotic when you’ve been starved

I was admired without being consumed

But the longing still feeds my imagination

And I still feel a mourning for you

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An ending without language lingers longer

How my body waits for closure my mind will never get

I hold a match you never strike twice

Choosing the cold over consequence

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I pour the water as my hands shake

With the pain of doing the “right” thing

Thank you for finding the light in me

I am not broken, I am combustible

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And that’s a very different thing…