i watched too many movies as a kid

Hey.

It’s been a minute

Since I’ve reached out.

I thought I met you-

I thought I met you a thousand times-

And then I really did think-

This is it.

But it wasn’t.

So I stopped talking.

With every guy I meet

The reality of you

Begins to slip away.

I feel silly for talking

To the air.

To someone who can’t hear me

To someone who can’t feel me.

To someone who never could.

Because you’re not real.

I was waiting for you-

Searching-

But Ive stopped searching.

I traded waiting for love

For

Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Heartbreak is what I find now.

I just chase

Something to stop

The loneliness.

Because that’s all I have-

Fleeting moments of being held

Of being a pretty face

A nice piece of ass

And I’ll be that

If it means

Not being alone.

Because I am convinced

There is no one waiting

No one searching

No one waiting to say

“This is it”

No one captivated by my heart

And respectful of my body

No one my parents will invite to dinner

No one I will set as my lock screen

No one to prove them wrong

I want you to be real-

God, I want you to be real so bad.

I want you to ride in on your white horse

And make the rest of my life cease

Make everything make sense

Make everything worth it

But Im an adult now.

Time to grow up and know that

i just watched too many movies

As a kid