i was trained

i (I) was trained to be a black

widow spider--

to devour my mate

once a child had came forth for us.

i was to carry the child

sacrificially

to the Mother-God.

Mums believed that her life

could be prolonged indefinitely

(she would never die)

if her daughters continuously

fed her voracious appetite

for the inner stuffings

of our hapless offspring.

i was trained to kill and destroy

in her name.

If i dared put this training aside--

and I did--

it would be claimed that i--not she--

was the Shameless One, the Beast...

that i had destroyed lovelessly...

had martyred my Saintly Mother.

i was trained, and

I departed from it.

November 16, 1981