I Want To Run Away But I Can't

I'm trapped in a place where I must be.

A place where I'm needed

A place where I'm a healer, a lover, and a protector

But it's a dark place filled with pain, sorrow and heavy challenges

The beauty is there in the love that I share and the patience that I give

Around every corner there are spirits and demons battling for my heart and for my soul

The dark is chasing the light

Threatening to cut off its power and swallow it down to a dark tunnel of misery

But how can this be when love is present?

Can love be so deep that it cuts through every emotion turning your life upside down

Setting you up on a ship on a rocky sea conjuring up confusion and doubt

I want to scream but I must be strong

Another is counting on me to keep it together

Someone's life is hanging on a thread relying on me to reinforce the thin strand by which she is supported

But how do I strengthen a strand that is so weak?

Where do I start?

I start with love

I start with diligence

I start with prioritization

I start with organization

I start with a calm demeanor

I put my love in it

Then I looked out my window on a dark and blustery day and saw three little birds sitting in the driveway and I know it's gonna be alright

But still it hurts and it's a long road ahead with many twists and turns

A maze of confusion

A never ending path

Waters without bridges

Hope lacking faith

Then I hear a cry and I jump into action

Sailing through the impossible

Just to stop the tears

To ease the pain

To comfort the hurt

That's when I see the bridges and the faith coming together

But just as quickly as they come together the wildfires rage through the body pulling down every muscle and every organ one by one until there's nothing left

Here I am right back to the beginning trapped in a place where I must be