I Used to Believe

You want to know why I won't take a risk?

You want to know why it's so easy to miss

The little things I would do or what I say or feel

When you can't even pretend to be real?

You seem to enjoy bringing me down,

Hurting me even when you aren't around.

Leaving me crying, screaming your name

And sitting here without you isn't the same

Because even though I know it's not fair

And I know that you really, truly don't care

I can't help but think of you late at night.

I can't help but think that this isn't right.

So I wish for the past to become present again

And I'm subject to every last little whim

Of my mind as I follow each thought

To its end just to see all that I'm not.

I'm not pretty.

Not perfect.

Not smart.

Not enough.

"I'm not worthy."

Is the only sentence I hear

In whispers that curl and tickle my ear.

I'm not worth the time,

The effort,

The love.

I used to believe all those lies in the lines above.