I struggle to love myself

I struggle to love myself

To treat me with kindness

Can treat a dirty penny I found on the street better than the dime I am

Maybe it’s the fact I’ve been misused so many times

Rather mistreat me than let other people do it

Call me self-destructive

But I think I’m preparing for the future pain

The pain that I can’t see coming

Or even create

People say I’m too pure to hurt a single soul

But they wonder how I hurt myself so much

Because although you might see value within me

I only see myself as a rusted, ruined, worthless penny.

I’m tired of people leaving me

Because I can’t love myself the way I should

I genuinely think I deserve all the pain in the world

Ever since I was 6

I’m tired of crying and hurting the ones who love me

Wish I can treat myself like the dime I am

Sick and tired of how self-destructive I can be

I don’t deserve any more pain

I’ve been through hell and back

And no matter what life throws at me

I’m sure it can’t be as bad as the pain

I’ve created for myself in the past

-a.poems