I remembered you were dead.

People speak of the five stages of grief

As if they are linear

Step one, then step two, then step three, and so on

Yet they do not consider those unexpected moments

When grief leaps out from the shadows

Claws grasping at the scars of your heart

Ripping them open again

Those moments in which grief is physical

Throat closing

Heart squeezing

Ragged breathing

As if death intends to claim you too.

Eleven weeks after your death, I believed I'd reached stage five

Acceptance

Until I noticed the photo album

Created for you to enjoy in your final days

Sat harmlessly on the shelf

As it had been for months

A photo of you and your granddaughter on the cover

With no warning at all, grief lunged at my chest

Gripping me so tight I could hardly breathe

I will never see you again

My only movements the tears streaming down my cheeks

And the trembling hands that cling tightly

To the same granddaughter in the photo

That was the day I made the discovery:

It is possible to feel the first four stages of grief

All at once

At exactly the same time

In one

Heartbreaking

Moment.