I Never Will Marry You

I never will marry you, no matter how long we are together

Although neither of us know that now.

And even though I may end up loving you dearly

I never will trust or love you enough to share my name with you

Our attraction was instantaneous, passionate and fiery

But shameful and embarrassing at the same time

You were so willing to quickly drop everything that truly mattered for me

Without seemingly a thought or concern

And without any sense of who you were hurting

You abandoned a husband of 15 years and two precious little boys

You made me feel sorry for you, like you were such a victim of his neglect

I was young and easily manipulated

In time I will see that you were not a victim, but in fact you victimized others

For your own needs and desires

A play that you will perform over and over again

It is always, always, always just about you

Those boys never will recover from

The model of love and devotion you have presented to them

That Mommies leave when the going gets tough without care or concern.

And that it is okay to leave with no remorse nor looking back

What you fantasize as a magical fairy tale romance, true love,

Claiming that our souls touched and we were destined for each other

Is really nothing more than lust and selfishness on both of our parts

Although neither of us can see it that way right now.

And you convinced me in the beginning that this fantasy was real,

But this is not the kind of love to build forever on.

Seven years younger than you,

I will end up giving up my youth and dreams of a family for you

You already fulfilled those dreams for yourself,

And out of selfishness and self-centeredness have denied them from me

I was in too deep before I realized all I lost

And I accept responsibility for that

But I will always regret disappointing my family and myself.

For what we have done

Adultery is never something to glorify with words like “soulmate” “fated” and “sacred.”

I may not leave you, but it will be more out of guilt, pride and inertia and to

Show others and myself that I made the right decision with you

Despite the fact that you will show over and over again

Just how willing you are to hurt others with your selfish words and actions

So I never will marry you, no matter how long we are together

Although neither of us know that now.

And even though I may end up loving you dearly

I never will trust you or love you enough to share my name with you.

- Julie O'Hara

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