I never say it right

I never say it right! Even now I’ll never say it right. Because no one will know where the expression should be. How the piece should be read and preformed.

No I never say it right. And I’m so tired of always being unable to express what I am feeling. And say what I mean. We’re all speaking English but it’s as if we’re saying it all different. My meaning is constantly analysised. People just use what they can to make sense of it all. They don’t ever pause to let the meaning hit them right in the face. Because in English…. A red door cannot be just a red door.

I always say it wrong. I try to express or explain. I try not to allow myself the emotions. Because if my emotions are laced in my words, then my meaning has to be altered. And if emotion isn’t enough, my age and my sex are taken against me. I cannot be smart, I cannot feel and I cannot express.

And don’t get me started on if I spell or pronounce something wrong. Suddenly a conversation falls flat. As I am belittled and told to say that word again. It’s always pointed out when I’ve made a mistake. And once it is made I can never expect to be taken seriously again.

Because what could an emotional wreak know? What could a women know? What could a girl who says salary wrong know? And what, what could a girl who spells complex words wrong know?

Society’s verdict. Nothing. I must know nothing because I cannot ever say something right.