"I Need Brains!"

"I Need Brains!" - Why Can't I Just Stay Down If I Want?

By

Ross E F Lombardi

...---…

Sometimes,

Many times,

More frequently lately.

I'm thinking.

"Why do I have to keep trying?"

"Why can't I just be a 'shut in' if I want?"

"Why should I try to join the world?"

...---…

It's easy for others to criticise me for giving up on myself,

...---…

But I’ve been fighting this shit for decades!

...---…

Everything is so heavy.

All the dam time.

And I want to quit so badly.

I AM spiritually TIRED!!

I don't want to be brave anymore.

I want to stop fighting for 'a life'.

I don't want to get back up.

I want to just 'stay down' on the mat.

Let life win.

Let life get the 'Knock Out.'

...---…

And now

Sometimes,

Many times,

Quite a bit More frequently lately...

When I ask myself Why I should 'get up' again. -

Go out again,

Before that ringside bell rings …

…

...I cannot think or a single reason anymore…

…

…Yet, for some dam reason I keep stagging to my feet.

My battered body automatically making me rise up, against the begging cry of my bleeding soul.

My spirit is forced to look at life in the eye again and raise its fists.

Disobeying me again

Even as my mind screams

"No!"

"Stop!"

"Lay down"

“You ARE allowed!”

"You have taken enough beatings"

"We have more than earned –

-That right to quit now"

...---…

I don't want to do this anymore.

I have no idea what is forcing me to keep going.

...---…

I am some kind of Zombie?

Some ongoing corpse thing?

Because this level to resilience does not seem natural.

...---…

Is this willpower?

Because if it is?

Then I'd very much like to be weaker willed now please.

...---…