I'm Sorry

I’m not sorry I hurt you,

That on that warm April day, something happened,

That I broke your trust with the soft kiss of another.

I’m not sorry that I broke that promise,

To never leave you,

To never fall for anyone else.

I’m not sorry you hurt yourself,

You cannot place that blade inside my grip.

I’m not sorry for the anger of a child,

A child infused with rage and confusion,

As to why the adult meant to protect them,

Would be the one who caused the pain.

I’m not sorry,

For the selfishness, terribleness, viciousness,

That never existed,

The absolute horror of an undiagnosed ADHD child,

Or of the kid who dared to grow to look like you.

I’m not sorry,

That when you snatched my arm,

And rammed my door down,

And shrieked every damn projection down my throat,

And struck my beloved brother,

And every single other piece of shit that is impossible to name,

I injured your ego struggling to fight back.

I’m not sorry,

That I broke your happy little family apart,

The one that tore me limb from limb and then cried murder at my hands.

I’m not sorry that I upset those who abused me,

Embellishing the supposed crimes of pure reaction.

But I was sorry.

I was sorry for every single one of these.

And for that, I am sorry.

Truly.