I'm scared my mind will someday kill me

The temptation to always ask myself: What is wrong with me? Why does my brain never shuts off?

Why do you have to ruin everything? Why can I not stop doing things and regretting them after? Why do I feel this way every damn time? Why does every bit of happiness in me drains when I'm alone?

Mind of mine, why are you consuming me?

I sometimes really feel like giving up, and I'm certain I'm not the only person that feels this way, it's horrible, it's the worst feeling ever.

I tried to be cold to people that have hurt me, I tried to stop pleasing people, but, that's a hard thing to do when you have the kindest heart, the most pure soul and nothing but good intentions and good energy towards humans.

Mind of mine, I can already feel the pain in my chest and stomach when something really hurt my feelings, why do you have to put me in pain too?

I hate to remember myself that things are meant to be learned the hard way, through bad experiences, getting hurt by people you loved and trusted, and most importantly, making the same mistakes and the lesson is finally acknoledged and learned.

From strangers I've called friends, to the wounds on my back from their knives. To the man that used me and left me like I was nothing, to them that abandoned me when I needed them the most. To everything I've lost, but at the same time gained, oh mind of mine, I might understand you now.

Mind of mine, please stop focusing on the negative, please be kind to me, remember everything we've been through, don't you think it's enough? We can barely eat, sleep, focus, you've taken control over my life, and I don't know how to get it back.