I'm (Not) Alright
Introspective, stream of consciousness poem.
When you ask, "How are you?"
And I respond, "I'm alright"
Please know I'm not
Very often, I'm not
I'm just not alright
I'm often tired, stressed, anxious, depressed
I'm often carrying the past, the sins, errors
While trying not to trip up, land on my face
While trying not to give in to the intrusive
When they haunt me, I know I can be good
But, it's honestly so hard at times
Trying to convince others I'm actually of any value
Can be tricky when I'm not even sure I believe it
Most of the time. There are times, for sure, but
Most of the time. I'm wavering... I'm ebbing out
So many things plague me, and that's not a plea
That's not a woe-is-me, that's just hard facts
We all are a little like that; I believe
Have our snapping point, our point break
When enough is enough and when we feel
So unworthy of anything, despite the load
We carry without even thinking to just let it go
Sometimes I don't wash for days, and that's bad
But the alternative is a naked version of myself
I don't even want to face and then the cold snap
Sometimes I forget my pills and then suffer
Sometimes I take my pills and still suffer
There is a never-ending cyclical diodrama
With ups, downs, left, rights
Forwards, two steps backwards
So, yes, I'm alright
But I'm not alright
*
Thanks for reading!
Author's Notes: Stream of consciousness poem. But, honestly, I'm alright. As there is no way of you really knowing whether I am telling the truth or not, you're kinda screwed? Right, but here are a few funny clips you can watch and enjoy with me:
If LOTR is not really your thing, here is another:
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Award-Winning Writer, Poet, Scottish-Italian, Subversive.
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection out now!
Streams and Scratches in My Mind coming soon!
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Comments (23)
Hi Ps - Been down for a few months - forgot to get my vaccination for 'Old Age' but I've always enjoyed your 'ecletic' stories. A Favor: I know that you are a super follower of our Rachel; I see your thoughtful comments all the time. Please leave a comment on her 'Ode to Rachel Deeming' Post. The year-long writings are so impressive. I know she would appreciate the gesture from you. Thank you, - Jk.in.l.a -
This is so good and so sad and relatable. Great work.
It's so sad how relatable this is to so many people. This line especially hit me, "Trying to convince others I'm actually of any value". Damn. You really did mess with us in that author's note😅. But I really hope you reach a point soon where you can genuinely and honestly say, "I'm happy" when someone asks how you are. And I know it's hard to believe, but for the record, you are worthy.
Amazing poem!
I really liked this one. So many people (myself included) feel this way. It always feels less lonely reading other people's experiences with the same sorts of feelings. Well done!
This hits home so much. Well done!
This hits so hard Paul, I think you and I must be on the same cycle. Because I was sitting very heavily in this mindset last week, and it hurts to see you have the same battle! But I do appreciate the vulnerability in sharing it with us!! There's so much strength in that act alone!! Thank you for this Paul!!
Oh gosh. I feel like this is a poem for our times when we have to pretend we're okay and feel guilty if we burden anyone with what's up. I thought you wrote this beautifully.
Still suffering whether we take our medications hit me sooo hard because it's so relatable. Also, no one is ever okay. So don't think you can fool me hehehe
Exactly! None of us are ok! We just get used to the various masks we use. Nifty, thought provoking piece Paul!
Don't mean to be too spiritual, but this is when I turn to Jesus and just think and pray. Good work on the article.
This is so well done and relatable. Automatic response-we are fine but are we really. Humans don't want to ruin other people's day
What an incredibly relatable poem! Such a well written exploration of what goes on behind the words we say out loud when we're asked that question. Hope you are alright in whatever capacity that applies right now! Feels like it can be quite relative with the ever fluctuating circumstances of life! Anyways, great stream of consciousness piece, Paul!
Sending hugs across the Atlantic, and a swift kick in the arse. I know we could all use a little bit of both.
We all have our off days! The poem's very alright, though!
Emotions as we grow older - they are something that are not for sissy's and can be exhausting . Well done.
It’s the getting back up to dust myself off that’s both exhausting and necessary. But as I have aged I have noted less drama and surprise when I let myself and others down. More a shrug than an ugg. I’m human, I’ll try again to do better next time. Most days I’m just happy for a next time and the inclination of others and myself to forgive. I feel bad for your suffering and struggles, Paul, and admire your efforts and your very humane art!
Emotions can make anyone feel unworthy. Very relatable. I like to keep recreating myself. Remind steadfast on my writing goals.
Yup. Get this.
Yes, sir, pal, Paul, I believe we all carry a bit of this around. I also believe it's ok not to be alright.
Paul, this was so powerful. I’ve been struggling lately as well and I’ve really related to this. We’re so held down by the weight of our sins and our senses of self worth. That line about the alternative being facing your naked body in the shower was so poignant to me. And even when all of that is said, it’s still just easier saying we’re okay to others, and that means we care for them and don’t want them to worry. We can love. Anyone who can love deserves to live and have worth. Keep persevering, my friend!
Glad you added the little note ant the end I was getting worried As you say do we really ever know? A beautiful poem once again sir
I really felt this. Great work!