I'm Breaking the Cycle of Abuse by Lolly Vieira

I’m breaking the cycle of abuse

my son lost his sock cap today

he wasn't called names for losing something

no one moaned about how much money it had cost

his sadness was not invalidated

instead, he was told that it's okay to feel disappointed

it's okay to make mistakes

and it's okay to forgive yourself for making a mistake

he learned that things are replaceable but the ones we love are not

I'm breaking the cycle of abuse

when he helps me with the chores,

his best is always good enough for me

he doesn't put plates in the dishwasher too loudly

with tense muscles shaking hoping to avoid two spoons clacking together

he doesn't fear being yelled at for dropping a sock while doing laundry

his sweeping is very much appreciated (even if he missed a spot and stepped through a pile)

I thank him for his efforts regardless of the outcome

and he continues to love being helpful

instead of feeling like his help is never useful

he is learning the life skills that will help him take care of himself as an adult

instead of being 24 with no idea how to clean a window or cook pasta

I'm breaking the cycle of abuse

emotions aren't a taboo topic here

when he's sad, I hold him

I taught him that it's okay to cry

no one laughs at him or tells him to suck it up

when he gets frustrated (as children often do)

I tell him I understand and I sometimes feel that way, too

no one implies that his anger makes him ugly and unlovable

he is not isolated in his room to sit in his sea of emotions without a paddle

feeling ashamed to even have them

instead we put names to the complex feelings

we normalize them and discuss solutions

he even has his own therapist

because he deserves a safe place that is his own

I'm breaking the cycle of abuse

I know there's no such thing as the perfect parent

but I've done my best to make sure that

he doesn't become an adult with the same scars as me