I Love You

As I turn to my heaven,

slow rain races down the windows as the world goes by in blurs.

Words drum and buzz like mosquitos in my ears.

A fast rap dances in the air, settling around me like a pulsing cacophony.

His hair, his eyes, his gentle touch and delightful vibes;

Everything draws me in- whispering to me an invisible but sweet path.

The world bounces off the roof, as we cut through in our own bubble.

Laughter seeps out through the cold glass

as we race along our ever-present path.

A stranger looking in would see a picture of perfection.

The dead air clings to everything. The car is a red stain in the road.

I turn my back to my soft spot, holding back a yell.

Frustration crashes through like an avalanche,

Ready to drag us both down with it.

"Baby, please look at me!"

I pretend not to hear, as I start to count back from ten.

Ten. Nine. Eight-

"Babe come on, please.."

I lose track and count back again.

Ten. Nine-

He cracks a joke, I crack a small smile.

Within moments I withdrew again further from his burning stare.

A gentle touch on my arm, and I jerk away.

"Don't touch me!"

His hurt vibrates in the air, my empathy playing in my mind.

The touch comes again, this time a tickle. He knows I hate that.

A spark of anger and rush of momentary dislike burst forward.

A hard shove sends him reeling back.

We swerve slightly off the road in his distraction.

I await an escape from the steel bubble that is now holding me in.

We get back to the house and I am all shivers and silence.

He stands close, offering silent warmth as we wait to put the car behind us.

Inside there is nothing to hold back my perturbation.

A black fuming cloud rumbles like thunder from me,

making the whole house worry.

I cut straight through to a room alone, and I sit and wonder why.

Why did it happen?

I do not wonder long;

I hear my flame enter the room, jolting me from thought.

He sends out the distractions and engulfs me with his warmth.

My attention is promptly pulled.

A refusal to leave makes me shake in silent horror.

My quiet cries send my body shivering again as I try to force him to go.

A panic attack provoked in past, and devastating loss;

rolled into one solemn paroxysm.

I beg him to leave, I beg him to let me calm before we talk.

His refusal comes with fierce commitment.

I relent, he stays, I remain out of reach.

As he talks me to a calm, the storm's remains decrescendo;

A fierce hurricane now quelled.

A sudden need to be close pulls me to his arms as our skirmish fizzles out.

I bashfully drag my eyes up to meet his gaze, and my home has returned.

An ache in my chest begs me to be closer.

Our lips pull together with fervor, trying to say what even words can not.

We need not speak to say, for our gestures convey, no matter the fight;

I love you, even when I don't like you.