I left again tonight

remnants of an old life.

Being friends with the early morning is almost always not a choice.

for me at least

It was unremarkable, a release, another boy, another boy who thought I was a boy.

he asked to be held, so I held him.

I remember feeling young and lonely, I remember chasing attention and appeal,

as if I had nothing else to offer. as if no one wanted anything else from me.

even in the trenches of mundanity I ignore the harm given to me.

so I held him. hoping to give him something I know I can't, not knowing when to leave, enjoying his body, intertwining legs, a long kiss, an unknown name, a really charming smile,

an ask about the bathroom.

an excuse.

I left limping, blisters from a previous adventure granting me a pitiful exit. fitting, humble, grown.

I walked home, one shoe in hand, the other on my right foot.

A few things waited for me:

a soft, warm bed, a new day with old expectations, a door to be opened and closed.