I Gained Myself

I lost 190 pounds

I lost countless lies

I lost nightmares

The nightmares that told me I wasn’t good enough

I lost the feeling in my heart that made it feel broken and bruised

I found my hope in my spirit

I found the purity in my soul

I found my roadmap without the 190 pounds

I was only lost and mystified by a happily ever after that revealed itself to be nightmares

Dripping mouth watering nightmares

I found my new happily ever after while packing clothes and bruised memories

I found my happily new beginning again without that 190 pounds

I am working on my value

I am sharpening my worth

I am focusing on what makes me smile

What makes me happy

What made me stop myself and be able to look myself in the eye

I keep working on me

I keep cleaning out the closet with everything that 190 pounds dragged in through the years

I keep challenging myself so my life expands and grows after the unleashed tears

Yes I cried but pay attention

Cried

Past tense

The 190 pounds is my past

The phone number attached to the 190 pounds deleted

The anniversary date I own for myself now

I lost 190 pounds

It did not take a day

It took patience

Determination to know my worth

I lost 190 pounds

The best thing I have ever done

The 190 pounds will take their car and all belongings but leave my heart

You never took good care of it anyway

It was kind of fun while it lasted but I’m a new size

A new identity to the point where you no longer recognize me

I lost 190 pounds but I gained a limitless amount of power

Goodbye

Take care

It feels so good to breathe

Instead of picking me up

You slammed me down

You sat on me

Pressured me

Devalued me

It feels so good to breathe

Fresh ideas away from your poisonous views

I can now capture the hue of inspiration

I can now wear clothes of development and creation and not your name brand rags choking me with your judgement, ridicule and defiant hollowness in your heart

I lost the bitter hugs and kisses that only landed on my body to feel

To feel empty

I now have power over my bed

My smile smothers the pillows because the covers no longer have to keep a monster warm

My groceries are celebrating because they can be cooked and enjoyed

Not burnt and stirred into turmoil

Not left on the counter like we invited every rat on the block but now I realize I just lost a 190 pound rat

I better clean the kitchen every night to make sure you never come back.

I lost 190 pounds

I lost the reason to have to go bye the jail

I lost the reason for you to hide your other phone.

I regained my IQ

I seemed to have locked it away in order to deal with your lies and mistreatment

I gained respect

I gained the love that you pretended to give me

I lost 190 pounds today

But I gained myself to be able to look myself in the eye