I Feel Hard

Dear Life Giver,

I want to hate you for everything you have done to me.

You play the victim, you should take home the oscar.

Seeing things for they real are, is hard as it is.

You gave birth to me, yes, but you aren't my mother.

I have no mother.

I sit here, unsure of how I feel.

You ghost me, you want a friendship.

All I wanted was a mother.

You can't give me what I really need.

You can't give me what I really want.

You can't give me, something that you have no business having.

My heart breaks.

I sit here, thinking how I should hate, or hold a grudge on you.

I can't do that anymore.

I can't because I don't want to be you.

I am not a victim, my heart my body, everything hurts inside.

Never be easy.

I need to let this go, to heal, I know I will not be free until I stop caring.

It's over, I know it is, how many times do I have to hurt inside.

How many times, do I have to go through this to know that nothing will change?

I think if I saw you, I would never recognise you.

Two counties away, and you still are on my mind.

It just hurts I didn't need a friend, I need a mother. Now I have neither.

I feel this hurt that can't be explained.