I don’t know how to be happy

When I say that I don’t know how not to be sad, I really mean it.

It has been so many years since I feel this way that it became a part of me, it became my personality.

I’m scared of changes.

I’m scared of feeling good.

I’m scared of smiling.

It’s been so long that I cry that I no longer know how to laugh.

Sadness is my oldest friend.

Melancholia and anxiety are already my comfort zone.

When I notice is too late and I am now once again running from what could help me.

It’s been so long since I felt something that it scares me to feel anything.