I am Purple, and Purple is Me.

Purple.

Regal, rich. Elegant.

Drawing in the eye with vibrancy.

Valuable. Worthy.

I first remember Purple as a shiny chunk of amethyst.

How the light shined on the sparkling depths.

Glittering. Hypnotizing.

Then Purple became lavender, and magenta.

I loathed it. The frills, the lace.

I turned away, hiding.

Frills and dresses and lace were wrong.

Itched my skin, made me want to claw it all away.

lavender meant “girl”.

Someone who I wasn’t.

magenta was a beacon for my bullies.

Sensing my hatred of purple.

Of myself.

Purple became nearly black after that.

The color of the sky as light fades to night.

Deep, piercing.

Purple became my tears running over my bruises.

The internal damage made visible on the outside.

Purple were the lines from my attempts to escape the Purple-black of my pain.

I became grey. No life, no personality.

grey clay to be molded as my partner/boss/parents/friends saw fit.

grey like dust to be swept away.

And yet, a tiny spark bloomed inside.

Defiant, Violet-Purple bright.

Hidden under the grey, dimming out the light.

Pain was blinding, and broke the grey.

A purple-Red heat that stabbed and tore at my soul.

purple-Red was my blood that clotted to kill me.

A diagnosis: lupus.

And once again Purple haunted me.

Purple ribbons, Purple butterflies.

Their wings mocking my inability to fly.

So I sat with my Purple.

I sat with my pain.

I sat with the Purple-black.

I sat with the purple-Red.

I sat with the magenta, and the lavender too.

I searched and found the purple I remembered from long ago.

I saw the beauty, the richness.

Awe, and wonder.

The sparkle and shine.

I brushed away the grey dust that clouded my Purple.

Violet and shimmering like a tiny star.

I looked around, bathed in the Violet light,

And saw how much of me was made of Purple.

Purple that felt like rebellion.

Purple that felt like freedom.

Purple, with bands of pink and blue.

Purple, with white and green.

Bi.

Genderqueer.

Purple felt like home.

Purple is my home.

I am Purple, and Purple is Me.

I am valuable.

I am worthy.

I am regal.

I am elegant.

I am glittering.

I am hypnotizing.

I am deep.

I am piercing.

I am rich in all parts of me.

I sparkle.

I shine.

And I won’t let the grey hide my light anymore.

I am Purple, and Purple is Me.