I am not okay!

I want someone to know.

to know what I am going through.

to know what are the thoughts that are bothering me.

why I don't speak, why I don't utter a word upon asking 'what happened'

i want someone to know, to see my scars

the scars i have not worn but i have earned them

those scars are of traumas, childhood trauma or whatever

i just want someone to acknowledge them

is there someone who would see my scars and wouldn't judge me

judging is easy but going through the thing that you are judging is quite hard, quite impossible if thats not meant for you

i find people lucky with perfect families, having perfect home, having perfect lifestyle like waking up and eating food then going school, seeing off your normal parents and having fun with your friends in school, having normal school life while your mum is working in home (sounded misogynistic?) and your father working at his place.

my heart asks for normal things, normal things that i have never been through, but always wanted to have normal stuffs in my life

people are privileged with having not perfect but yet perfect life and here look at me not even having the one

i don't make good decisions i always burden the other one and then i cry like a shit and want someone to understand my mistake i think i ask for so much

but it is what it is i guess, life is hard you have to just go through it

i just wish this would end just so fast but i know i have to face it before passing through it and thats the most difficult part we all have to be through.