I Am, I Was, I Will Be

Vulnerability, Shattered walls, Broken Boundaries...

Today I am here, Yesterday I was there, but where will Tomorrow have me?

How long before I finally grasp a hold?

A hold of what?... I ask

A hold of...me, I quietly whisper to myself.

Hidden pain behind the smiles, the laughter, and what may seem like endless activities-

Pain which shaped what I have become today from who I was - or who I thought I was.

Pain which will continue to shape the Me of Tomorrow.

Why won't the pain just disappear? Go away! I yell...

And just when I think it is over,

New pain begins to form new scars.

But alas! The old ones have not yet healed! How much more can I endure?

Pain will shape who I am today and will continue to shape-

the me of tomorrow.

Pain, where do you come from? Why do you remain?

Thoughts left unspoken, an emptiness and stillness from within, a heart left broken with the hopes of mending.

When?

There are no guarantees in this little thing we call Life.

But what is Life?

"A gift", someone said once.

Life is a gift-

But are gifts not supposed to be good, bright, and beautiful?

There are moments-

moments where I wonder...

What is the purpose of this little gift called Life?

Are we to live to be broken, live to be forgotten, live to become but a mere shadow of what?

Of what we feel we should be?

Smile, move forward, activity upon activity, always trying to keep busy...

All with the hope of...

Forgetting-

But all the while,

Broken

Forget? The body, the heart-

They can never forget the scars they have endured.

So I continuously remain looking for the light that so falsely shines upon the brazen broken shoulders, which have been carrying the darkness for so long-

Light may come, but it isn't enough to lift all that lays dormant within...or is it and I have yet to see it?

Where do I find my sunrise, that peace promised from the sunset...

I am...I was...I will be...

Through the breaks, through the falls, through the broken boundaries and walls.

I shall continue to tear through the flames and soar to illuminate the light which may be hiding from within-

I continue through this little thing we call Life, and with it all, try to grow to break through it all and see the wonderfully, perfectly scarred me of today.

Yes, through it all I am unforeseeably being shaped from who I was. I am the me of today and the silent promise to myself of all that is meant to be the me of tomorrow.

Through the pain, which continues to teach me courage, endurance, and never faltering hope.

I am not who...

I was. All that is behind me now...

I will be the hope of that promised sunrise.