"I am fine".

Through gritted teeth, the words seep out,

"I'm great, I am fine",

They don't need to hear these dark thoughts of mine.

But I am a sinking ship,

And I cannot show it.

The last thing I need, is for them to all know it.

The rent is too high,

And my wage is too low,

But these are all things they just don't need to know.

The electrics were cut

And the cupboards are bare,

So I just sit there and cry on the stair.

My home is in tatters,

My head seems it too,

But I cannot dump this on any of you.

With my head held up high and my chest facing out,

I cake on my makeup and plaster a smile.

I must keep up this facade for a long while.

I can't find an inch of myself that I like.

My legs are not firm and my face is too round.

When I hear my own voice, I wince at the sound.

I'm a failure at home,

I'm a failure at work.

These intrusive thoughts continue to lurk.

I can't hear the birds,

For the screams in my head.

Even when my head hits the bed.

I feel trapped in this pain,

It's like being in captivity,

But I cannot show this weak sensitivity.

For the hundredth time I hear,

"How are you doing today"?

"I'm great, I am fine", I say.