How I Want to Remember You

I sit where you used to be,

Where I used to hear your footsteps down the stairs,

I would tiptoe up to your room to see if you were sleeping,

The last time I saw you in that room…you weren’t you,

The body was nothing but a shell, holding a spirit that could never be tamed,

Stop,

That’s not the memory I want of you,

I want to remember your smile,

I don’t want to remember the medicine pooling in your mouth,

Or when you stopped being able to talk,

STOP

I remember you telling me you loved me as I cried telling you that I loved you,

I remember sobbing in the room with you while my sister-in-law came to hug me,

I remember being so scared that final day that I had missed it and you were already gone,

I remember the nurse crying with us when you actually were,

NO

I remember you telling me you were proud of me

And all of your letters

And our chats around your kitchen table,

And bringing you mcdonalds or shake shack

I remember your cats coming to say goodbye - no

I remember you coming to watch my plays,

And the etiquette ‘lessons’ before thanksgiving,

I remember you putting names in the freezer of people you hate,

I remember you when I have a glass of warm milk,

I want to remember Y O U