How I ease my pain

i ease my pain in all the wrong ways

stay up all night, sleep through the days

not one bottle but s i x

anything for that temporary f i x

i forget what it feels like to be fully clean

doing drugs and alcohol is my daily routine

it is no longer any fun…

i gave in too early, now my demons have forever won

my body but i am no longer in control

someone else is now playing my role

what a mess i have become

any substance to make me feel numb

all my money goes towards making magic potions

anything strong enough to block out emotions

i hate the feeling of being alive

anything so that my sleep can deprive

constantly only living in my dreams

facing reality is much harder than it seems

i say i will stop but it is all lies

could brew tea with the bags under my eyes

started with a drink to ease the pain

now racking several lines of cocaine

drank bottles pretending their mouths belonged to you

i still cannot deal that you found someone new

my reflection? i do not know her

it is hard to live sober

started as a smoker

by october i was a stoner

anything to feel something

inside there is nothing

i did not know there were over a hundred ways to break one heart

when you left you took a part

and until you are again mine

i will seek happiness from the end of this bottle or line

substances to make me feel whole

to replace my happiness which you stole