How could I have told her?
Connecting the dots when realising you're queer...
How could I have told her,
That her touch made me tremble and shiver
That my mouth went dry when I was alone with her
And my mind jumbled when it came to say anything
That my womanhood responded to the sight of her
That even though I fell in love with him as the months went by,
It was her lips which first had made me feel any kind of longing,
And that even though I was jealous of our mutual friend's breasts
(because, seriously, who wouldn't be?)
It was her body I wanted in my arms?
But no, I didn't tell her.
And we moved on,
I left the country and carried on.
~*~
How could I have told her
That the way she danced with me that night was something I had desired long enough
But that our friends made me falter and withdraw,
Perhaps her I could have told - she was curious enough,
But perhaps it was just that...
I still enjoy her style,
And honestly, wish her all the best!
Perhaps I could have gone for it,
She seemed keen and so was I,
Yet it never seemed as real as before and afterwards,
But no, I didn't tell her,
Nor tried to at any time afterwards,
The years went on and we still say hi
(at least there's that).
~*~
How could I have told her,
Because I came from a country just as bigoted as hers,
That her lips were all I could think about after that first
(and second) fleeting kiss
That my hands felt uneasy by her side
Because I thought that maybe she wanted to reach out
To me as much as I wanted to reach out to her.
But I had been told that to love a woman was bad
Because it was wrong to love myself.
I didn't realise it until now.
How could I have told her
That my heart dropped to my belly when she got together with that handsome guy
(yes, I had also assessed him by then)
That my poem was all about her and that when I asked them both to read it for me for my film it was her eyes, her lips her hair that I had in mind to watch forever on the screen!
How could I have told her any of that?
So, no, I didn't have the guts to tell her,
She left the country, we just moved on,
At least the friendship, this time, carried on.
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Comments (5)
Oh I just absolutely love this. I know this feeling all too well!
I can relate to this bigtime. The things we leave unsaid....Great piece!
Daaaaaamn. I mean really though?? How could you have told her?! Also this was such steaming tea here wow “But I had been told that to love a woman was bad Because it was wrong to love myself“
So much of emotions on this tiny poem! I loved it so much!
Very nicely written. Well done.