Hide and Go Hide

Would it be enough if I held all the truth?

The knower of lies

Is that the salve my soul seeks?

Would that quiet me down and make me feel contentment inside?

Or would I still race and chase to kill and fill this gaping dark well

With donuts and porn and booze and coffee and likes and grand plans and Los Angeles hikes.

Or could I sit full of love until the second hand in my chest freezes at earthly midnight and I go back to what I was or forward to what I’ll be

You’re wasting your time!

There I am.

Is that you? Is that me? Is this struggle mine for eternity?

Patience.

Slow down.

Keep waiting.

Something happens when you shut the fuck up and just listen, listen...

Listen, my right eye leaks most of the tears when I cry, which is often, and I’m learning not to hide.

What would happen if we all had recordings of what goes on inside?

Could we sit in love and forgive each other for this fucked up confusion that we try and hide?

Because a lot of us, play a dangerous game

Of hide and go hide,

Because some parent or some teacher or some friend or some lover told us

Don’t show me that shit you feel inside

Okay chief I’ll tuck it away.

I’ve got a secret, it doesn’t go away

So I reach for the donut for the porn for the knife for the gun…

Oh no, did I say too much, will they lock me up?

The coffee, the likes, the fun…

I can’t sit with myself today, it’s everything else out there, not me

It’s my parents it’s my coaches, it’s my bullies,

It’s the shitty hand I’ve been dealt

Oh damn…

Is that me? Is THAT me??

I don’t know but I sure as hell don’t want it to be

So I sit

And I listen

As a grown ass man

Fighting

To learn

Responsibility