Hi, I'm Bipolar and I am in Love.

The messiness of being in love and mentally ill. A collection of poems.
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STRUNG UP (mak me an example)

Volatile
High strung
This is not
The desired outcome
Circumvent
Brain storm
Circle back
Try again
I am gone
At a loss
Bargaining
Denying
Pleading
I don't know
I just don't
How could I
Inexperienced
Level One
Beginners luck
It isn't real
Lacking
Desperately
Out of my depth
Out of my mind
I sigh
I give in
I give up
I only aim to fix
The only goal is to heal
My muddy feet
My angry thoughts
Making it all so unclear
Transparent
Opaque
Why do I do this
Reside in the extremes
Calibration
A skill not mastered
Emotional regulation
Out of reach
Assimilate
I must
Give in
I cannot
The concept of peace
Elusive
My grasp
Slipping
Sliding
I lost a tooth this way
Relinquish
Surrender
Control is not promised
Nor should it ever be
The lack
The void
The unknown
I am fearful
I am fearsome
Am I the threat?
Trace the call
It's coming from within
From inside the house

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HIT THE NOS (brace yourself)

If only
I wish to be
Aligned with we
Held back
Thrusted forward
This jerking motion
I am light
Fill me with helium
Watch me float
As I become
Merely a thought
In the distance
Away I go
Far from centre
Far from home
Lost in the mess
The mess I made
The pain I create
The misery
I commiserate
The demons
I have befriended
This ache
Pawn it off
Responsibility
Make it someone else's
Deflect
Reject
I struggle to face
To accept
To reclaim
To regain
Regain consciousness
Bring awareness
Where I push
Where I pull
Where I fight
Where I seek
Where I lack
Where I resist
Resisting the urge
The primal need
For growth
Cannot compile
Assert
Acknowledge
All the good
Loving you
Has done for me
Has allowed of me
The space
Between
I reach
Vast
Full
Voidless

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SYMBIOSIS (it can't be parasitic)

Wibble Wobble
Bouncing back
Awakening
Reality check
Delusions of grandeur?
Check
Beyond truth
Ingorance is bliss
Are the blinds drawn?
Golden hour
Shady pines
Stop throwing shade
In my direction
Direct line of sight
Shots fired
Hear the rumble
Rolling thunder
Blunt
Poignant
Gut punch
Harsh words
Soften the blow
Cushion my fall
My fall from grace
Here you are
Destined
Cursed
To catch me
As I fall
Over
& over
Again
& again
Why so selfless
So diligent
So committed
So nurturing
As I fall
In your arms
For the hundredth time
I yield
I soften
I blend
I fuse
I become
I embody
I accept
What allows me peace
Is you
As purely loving you
Becomes me
Complete
Wholesome
United
In love
One
Symbiote


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OLD WIVES TALE (cure all to end all)

Stardust
Sunbeam
Dust mites
Cobwebs
Unearth
My heart
Pull me in
Remind me why
Why I am here
Imperfectly
Trying
Why it is worth it
It's weight in gold
Weigh me down
Submerge me
Weighted blanket
Comfortable
Suffocation
What if you are it
The comfort zone
It's ending
Blurred lines
Fuzzy vision
I can't make out
Where I begin
Where you end
Maybe that's the point
Complete
Total chaos
Not straightforward
Not black
Nor white
Not easy
By any means
But not so difficult
Second nature
It could be
Illusions
Insurmountable
I cannot amount
I do not sum up
The pedestal
You have put me on
Out of reach
What if I can't
What if I fail
Failing
Falling
If this is my destiny
So mote it be
Acclaimed
Failing in love
Is still massive
Major win

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THE ONLY CERTAINTY (heart truth)

I cannot explain
You cannot fathom
I cannot define
The undefined
The indescribable
This palpable feeling
This all knowing
This certainty
This awareness
Of a necessary constant
Once paralleled lines
Destined to converge
Destined to cross
To align
To sync
To remain
Abundantly blessed
What a gift it is
To be supported
Well surrounded
Cared for
Loved
Once clipped wings
Expanded
Repaired
T.L.C
Head in the clouds
I'm anchored now
Manifestations of doubt
Unruly
Everything in my power
Done subconsciously
To destroy
Wreck havoc
Self implode
Sabotage
Avoid
I promise
I would have
Collapsed
Within myself
Like a dying star
A cosmic event
Chaos
Beauty
Making way
Leaving space
Breakdown
Grave feeling
I am at my most
Unlovable
Self reflection
Yet love surrounds me
Enveloppes me
Craddles me
Everywhere I look
Love resides
Actions
Raactions
Every iteration
Every embodiment
Of trauma
Received
Unashamed
Met with pure love
What is good timing?
What is being ready?
No better time
Than present
I will not shun
Disavow
Disagree
Digress
Repent
Diligently
With conviction
I will accept
These gifted blessings
This is it
I know this feeling
I can identify
Unexplained clarity
This story
Fullfiling
No cliffs
Not left hanging
Heart compass
Directional pull
One constant
In unison
You are it
End game

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