Hey Addicted Me
Epistolary Poem
Hey Addicted Me,
I hate that you're part of me
That we share the same body
You get to have all your fun
And disappear when it's all done
You never stick by my side
From the consequences, you run and hide
Back to the shadows, is where you go
When the shame and guilt take their tow
I'm left to clean up all the mess
From all the pain and the stress
That you...we...cause and create
I'm out of control and in a state
You cast a shadow over me
The me I want to be
The me I used to be
The me I still can be
When you take the wheel
There's not a lot I feel
When you fully have control
Black is the colour of my soul
I am the king of deceit and disloyalty
I lie, I cheat, I look out only for me
I hurt and rip to shreds all around me
I really hate that you're part of me
Me without you is happy, loyal and kind
Me without you has a little peace of mind
Me without you is funny, loving, and free
Me without you is the me I want to be
So that's the me I'm going to try to be
Yours Sincerely,
Clean (for now) Me
*
Thank you for reading!
Another entry for the Epistolary Challenge. You can find out more about it here - https://shopping-feedback.today/challenges/epistolary%3C/a%3E.%3C/p%3E%3Cstyle data-emotion-css="14azzlx-P">.css-14azzlx-P{font-family:Droid Serif,Georgia,Times New Roman,Times,serif;font-size:1.1875rem;-webkit-letter-spacing:0.01em;-moz-letter-spacing:0.01em;-ms-letter-spacing:0.01em;letter-spacing:0.01em;line-height:1.6;color:#1A1A1A;margin-top:32px;}
Not a lot else I want to dwell on about this.
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About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Award-Winning Writer, Poet, Scottish-Italian, Subversive.
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection out now!
Streams and Scratches in My Mind coming soon!
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New Normal
There is always a moment — small, quiet, almost forgettable — when the spark stops being a warning and becomes a state. It never looks like a turning point from the outside. It’s not a dramatic shift. It’s not a cinematic beat. It’s a subtle internal click, a recalibration so slight that only someone who has lived this cycle as many times as I have would recognize it.
By Elisa Wontorcik2 days ago in Poets
Comments (18)
This is incredible Paul. The raw heartbreak displayed here really makes it a masterpiece. I'm sorry for your experiences with this though. Also, congrats on being clean. I can't imagine how much strength that must take.
I like the optimism of this. I think this is one to return to when you're feeling tempted. And again, you're acknowledging that it is a part of you and that shows strength. Keep writing about it. It's like a detox for the soul. And then us Vocal people are your struts, your flying buttresses. We'll help keep you solid.
"I really hate that you're part of me Me without you is happy, loyal and kind Me without you has a little peace of mind Me without you is funny, loving, and free Me without you is the me I want to be So that's the me I'm going to try to be Yours Sincerely, Clean (for now) Me" That crescendo to the end is SO GOOD, Paul. This poem is one of my favorites of yours, I think. Superb. I feel every emotional truth in this. You're always so real in your poetry. I admire you so much!
Excellent poem ..feel like I’ve gotten to know you a fair bit the last week particularly. Testament to how open and empathetic you are in your writing and comments. Always something that is interesting to read on your page (and you provide a lot of links so that helps!hahah). Very Jekyll and Hyde vibes in this one - that you spoke briefly about the other day. 🙂
Amazing work, Paul! Lines 15 through 17 punched me in the gut. It really sucks when any other version of ourselves seems better than the one we’re living. But the grass is always greener…
Ah, I remember this one. We all have our crutches and psychological battles Paul. And I think when we shed light on them, they have no where to hide and grow. Here from your Deep Cuts piece 👌🍀
Yes, those dreaded addictions. This felt like a plea for change. Getting it all out there is a great first step for anyone looking to grab hold of an addiction and kick its ass. Glad to say, I've kicked a couple of them in the ass this year. Thanks for sharing!
Paul, this is such an incredible piece. I’m so happy you shared it! It’s relatable to a degree as we each have our own addictions to battle. I definitely have mine, some I would never have even recognized as an addiction. However, I am very close with someone who has battled alcohol addiction and this was a very raw account of what that battle looks like. I’ve said this before, but I love how real you are with all of us. You share your human-ness so beautifully and I’m grateful for it. It’s what soul grabbing writing is made of. Thanks for your constant honesty. It inspires me to continue to pursue authenticity in my writing. As a side note, here’s a little chant I say with my boys when we face the heaviness of life: “I love you (fill in your own name). I am strong. I am wise. I am capable. I can do really hard things.” 💞💫
So glad you weren’t afraid to link to this one. I know it can feel strange to ask for more views on your own work (at least for me). This is a very strong piece. I think we’ve all felt this way about our shadow self or id, we just struggle with it in different ways. You expressed that brilliantly.
Paul, I'm not sure how I missed this one. What a powerful, well-written poem that really hits the nail on the head.
This was so sad. Unfortunately, this is how addiction is. It's so scary!
Yeah. We all watch and wait.
"Clean (for now) me." I'm okay for the moment, though still carrying that ever-increasing weight of inevitability until it crushes me once again. Loathing myself for past failures, loathing myself even more for the failures I know are sure to come. It's only a matter of time. But for now I'm okay. And that's all that matters. Don't fret over what may or may not come in the next moment. For now I'm okay.
Goodness, you hit that spot on. What a raw, heartfelt, bleeding on the page piece. So glad you shared it :)
100% with you on this one! A very well written piece on a topic close to my heart
Boldly written, Paul.
❤️ I like the idea you went with here and the way you wrote it a lot, Paul! It’s got a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde feel to it.
Spectacular!!!💖💖💕