Here It Comes

Here it comes.

The pounding in my head gets louder. I walk faster trying to get away before my top blows like a volcano

I feel like my whole existence is an iceberg. That people only see there very top of who I am and the rest stays hidden.

It’s easier that way.

I smile but that smile causes almost more pain that the pounding in my head.

Every one is looking.

Judging.

Whispering.

My back feels like a pin cushion..

Here it comes.

Hold it in. Keep smiling.

Even though inside I’m screaming.

Clawing out of this deep hole to get help

But no one hears me….

Would it even matter if they did know

If they knew how much pain I’m feeling?

I can’t hold it my eyes are burning. I can’t speak

Here it comes. It’s almost here

All the thoughts I try to hide get louder

Louder

And louder

Different voices screaming pointing out everything that’s wrong.

I cover my ears but that doesn’t do anything since I’m the only one that hears.

Here

I’m screaming in my head for them to STOP. I CAN’T DO THIS.

But they aren’t listening. My own brain is laughing at me for being broken. That they aren’t going anywhere.

I feel a piece of me die each time the voices take over.

But then I get up. Ready to hide the rest of the iceberg again.

People keep passing by still unaware and uncaring.

It’s over

My breathing starts to slow.

My sanity returns for the time being.

The voices quiet. Back into the dark parts of my brain. Until they’re ready

Ready to remind me that they will always be there.