Her in the Morning

I woke up thinking

Of her in the morning light,

My arm draped across

Her chest, just barely brushing

Her breasts, she graciously

Allowing me this moment

As I hold her

Before I reluctantly

Drive away

Leaving all the love I've found

Behind.

I woke up thinking of

Her smile, the way

Her eyes crinkle and

Her cheek dimples;

Her musical laugh,

(that immeasurable feeling

When I'm the one

Who made her giggle).

I want to tangle my fingers

In her flaxen hair, kiss her hard

And make her moan.

I want to give her

Anything she might be missing,

Fill the holes that everyday

Banality might ignore.

I woke up one day

Thinking of her,

And I'll never be the same.

***

I want to tie her to the bed and

Call her my good girl,

I want to play with her until she screams.

I want to hold her after and

Tell each other all

Of our secrets.

I want to be everything she's

Always wanted and could never

Ask for;

But loving her

Is a paradox,

Because what she wants from me

Is authenticity

(and now I have to figure out

What that even means).

The way I feel for her

Makes me wonder

If I've ever loved anyone before.

I could spend the rest of my life

Trying to understand what lies

Behind her unfathomable eyes.

I would listen to her speak

All day, her mind has

No match, her tongue as well for

Turn of phrase,

She excites and inspires so,

I want to know every corner of

Her dreams, her desires

How brightly burn

Her darkest fires.

***

In the back of my brain, I'm always

Kissing her. I don't know how

To explain it–I haven't stopped

Since we started

That night

In the moonlight

Her lips hungry

On mine

(I, so desperate

In response).

She reawakened things and feelings

I'd thought long dead

And cold within,

Turns out they

Had only been sleeping,

safe and dormant

In hibernation until one

With such a

Mystic touch could pull

Me free from my

Self-made isolation.

She's slipped inside

And now

I'm changing into something new–

And I no longer want to be

Who I thought I knew.

***

The sunlight plays

On the pillow next to me

And for a bleary moment

The world is filtered, blurry

Like something from

A movie,

And I see a splash of

Light so like her hair, and I…

I reach for her

(knowing she’s not there).

(hoping I'm wrong).

Her absence so poignant,

A void that

Shifts my whole being;

there's a her-sized hole

In my bed.

I never knew

I could miss a place

I fought so hard to escape,

But it was her that

Made it magic,

I saw it through

Her, holding her

Hand

In mine

(now empty).

But I know she's near;

She's here in my head,

My heart

And I wonder

If she's

thinking

of

me.

***

I used to like going places alone,

Now I just wish I was with her.

Not to be dramatic, but I'm not sure how

I'm supposed to exist without

Her in my arms.

I used to fall for people

Who hated everything,

Because if I could make them

Love me, maybe I'd

Finally be

Worthy.

What a relief

To be with someone

Who actually tries

To find the joy in life

(In spite of

the strife

she's seen).

Every story she tells me

Of her past

Rips my soft/hard heart

Into jagged pieces;

How did such a

Beautiful soul

Emerge

From such

pointed sorrow?

I would move

Tide and time,

Rearrange the planets

Just to see her smile.

I want to help her to be

As happy

As her mere presence

makes me,

(even if it takes me

whatever’s left

of eternity).