healing for her

young and impressionable

with no needs,

so it seemed.

i made you happy,

and did what you said

no matter what that meant for me.

see my purpose

you decided,

i was there to ensure you lived comfortably.

i cradled your stress and regrets,

you said I’m capable

so i trusted and agreed.

whatever i thought or wanted

i’d wrap it up tight and hide it,

for later when there was time for me.

how about at my quarter-life marker

i dig it back up and reminisce

on when you didn’t understand or see.

i’ll cry and laugh, and scream

in question “why couldn’t you heal,

for yourself, everyone else and me..?”

i silenced myself for so long

even let my voice die,

until given validity.

wasted so much time

procrastinating, doing

what i thought you wanted for me.

not realizing your opinion

didn’t hold that much weight

in the grand scheme.

put you on a pedestal,

because you didn’t give up

or abandon me.

but now the lesson reveals a gem

that you did your best

for your family.

we're all only human

and utilizing the tools we have

but as for me,

i’ll answer the question you missed

push through, reverse the cycle

and commence my own healing.

for today, tomorrow, and always

for the little girl

that lives in me.