Gutting Another Aggrieved MAGA Incel's Canard, and/or Calumny

FOREWARD

Orange Julius Caesar’s first term broke the proverbial dam; forced to finesse their dunderheaded tinpot despot out of a new PR Fyre Festival each new day, MAGA made a play so crazy it worked; they dubbed themselves truth's arbiters: Kellyanne Conway coined the oxymoron “alternative facts” ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. Overnight, Manchurian Candidate Trump knew more about Russia’s election meddling than 16 US intel agencies. By COVID’s advent, immunologists who'd spent decades in labs, wards, morgues, lectures, ERs, and ORs would be subject to audits by mom’s-basement bound neckbeards. FAUX News rode the wave by elevating fearmongering from their brand to the tail that wags the dog. Not 4 years on, a court would order them to pay Dominion $787.5M for their part in convincing braindead deplorables that DVS’ machines flipped votes for Biden. The discovery process proved that FAUX had been tub-thumping The Big Lie onscreen while jeering it offscreen, just as they’d been practicing COVID safety protocols behind the camera while mocking them to camera).

PREFACE

Eleven years in, MAGA rarely impels me to clutch my pearls. I pegged Trump as a POS the day he mocked a disabled reporter; “Grab ‘em by the pussy!” was gravy. The cheap shots he threw when pitted against POW, combat-wounded veteran, and 6-term senator John McCain, were ostentatious overkill.

That said, now and then, some mush brained boomer floats a calumny or conspiracy so fallacious, or flatly false, that I’m forced to curb-stomp it before it makes the Right’s “Bogeyman of the Month” Club (see photo). Once a slander earns a place on said repository, it becomes fodder for Right-Wing incels to set fire to/ open fire on schools, mosques, gay clubs, Targets, synagogues, pride parades, libraries, Planned Parenthoods, grocery stores, or capitol buildings.

08/01/25

Kudos, Brian, for having the courage to pen support for a craven, felonious sexual predator in digital ink! Me, I’m simply not sociopathic enough to tell my mother/ sister/ daughter/ wife that my standing in a pussy-grabbing POTUS’ ascendancy will always mean more to me than said pussy-grabber's innumerable trespasses against her gender. But, I’m not here to pillory your character; I’m here to praise your propaganda. To that end, I’ve sequestered some examples of Trump’s “salvation:” He "saved" Melania from a hubby who DOESN’T cheat on her with hard-core porn whores moonlighting as call girls. During ‘Nam, Trump sprouted bone spurs just to donate his patriotic duty to some less fortunate "sucker and loser.” Trump also "saved" the JCS from 7 decades of being chaired by distinguished career officers when he named Middle-Aged Proud Boy Major Inebriate Pete Hegseth to the post. Trump "saved" Musk from his Tony Stark mystique by reducing him to the butthurt buffoon who shuttered DOGE 6+ months short of its 18-month mandate. The Dog That Hasn’t Barked also "saved" Viriginia Giuffre, one of Epstein’s many sex abuse victims, from dying a natural death, rather than dying by her own hand, decades before her time. But, I digress…

Thank you for precluding Leftist QC efforts by excluding dates, facts, or figures. While we message better than our portside colleagues, we’re only stable geniuses master debaters when preaching to the J6 choir. Try telling college graduates that hate group growth, COVID-denialism deaths, and national debt hypertrophy evince Trump being "right about everything." Try convincing wounded warriors with prosthetics, COPD, and PTSD, that a loose-lipped classified document thief is the best Kompromat-in-Chief rubles can buy (Jack Texeira's currently serving 15 years for leaking 5 documents of comparable classification). Try telling Gen Z, crippled by student loans, stagnant wages, and soaring health care premiums, that sham university namesake Donald Trump “has their backs.”

Whether they’re dog whistling, or saying the quiet part out loud, Cons play the hits their crowds come to hear: From punching down on any underserved population to whom Christ would have been kind, to channeling Chicken Little for every new chimera casting WASP heteronormative bliss asunder, The Right’s repertoire neither changes, nor evolves. That’s why our baddies almost always speak foreign tongues, hail from foreign lands, and/or worship foreign Gods. Should you ever find yourself torn between demonizing Jews or Muslims, err on the side of caution: go Muslim. Jews may kindle forest fires with their space lasers, but half a Bible's better than one lacking an English-speaking Anglo lead.

EPILOGUE

At the time of this writing, 50 elected representatives have announced plans to retire rather than run again; of the 50, a slight majority are Republicans. Sooner, or later, Right-leaning moderates will begrudgingly concede that deporting infants claiming Constitutionally sanctioned birthright citizenship is an abdication of our nation's core document. Said “return to normalcy” will hasten as deportations, investigations, and assassinations start hitting closer to home (READ: when Trump's Constitutional depredations start adversely affecting white, Republican-voting red state residents). ‘Til then, Ken, keep gaslighting. Frankly, as the Social Darwinists synonymous with defunding Sesame Street, forcing 10YOs to gestate their rapist's seeds, and attempting to negate a 7M-vote surfeit by staging a mutiny based on MAGA fan fiction legal thrillers, our public image couldn’t get worse if we were covering up the leader of the free world’s 20-year bromance with The West’s most notorious sex trafficker and statutory rapist!