The years of my youth
were spent learning lessons
about how solitude meant safety.
Alone meant no abuse.
No mouth other than mine?
No shouting or insults.
No one to perceive me
meant nobody could see
how awful I am.
But I'm no longer certain
of my relationship to isolation
now that I'm out of survival mode.
Nowadays, perhaps it even feels
a bit lonely.
To never be seen or known
no longer brings
the peace it once did.
In fact, it's distressing
to grow so much and
be the only one proud of me.
Back then no one was proud of me,
not even myself,
so it didn't matter.
Maybe selfish, prideful, egotistical me
wants to show people
that I'm not as shitty as I used to be.
Stupid.
I guess I just have to decide
which is worse-
rejection,
or never having tried in the first place?
Maybe I can learn connection
the way I learned forgiveness.
About the Creator
Lolly Vieira
Welcome to my writing page where I make sense of all the facets of myself.
I'm an artist of many mediums and strive to know and do better every day.
https://linktr.ee/lollyslittlelovelies
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Comments (2)
Such hard things to learn, especially without the right teachers. Well done!
This made me stop and breathe for a minute. I know that kind of alone and the kind that protects but also stings. You wrote it with so much clarity.