Gray

Exhaustion has crept into my lifeblood

My veins sighing round the clock at the upkeep

My vision clouded

Fog inside the skull that houses my musings

Houses my brain constructed of paradox

I wake up to the feeling of certainty

Moments into my day, remembering that I am anything but

It sounds morose rather than realistic

I am not a sob story or an intervention waiting to happen

I just have a thousand questions

And nobody willing to answer them

And when I start looking, what I find unravels me

More than simply not asking

But to unravel is to release

To find freedom and movement

Unwinding from coils of religion

Places I never thought I would go

Why stop now when the adventure has just begun

When my world is finally starting to seem gray

Rather than black and white

In the absence of monochrome choices

I find depth and contrast in my yes and my no

On days when I feel the pressing down

The weight of disappointing those who love me

I remember the ways I have become free

Unfolding my wings

The tightness that has loosened in my chest

My rib cage decorated with rainbows

I no longer have to hide them

In the unraveling

I'm breathing again

I just wish that they could see that

Because life is a color wheel

I grow and I bleed out and I rebuild

One shade fading to the next

Again and again

I may feel at home again one day

I hope I feel like home again