Goodnight Moonshine

Taking responsibility for my life

The actions I take have Consequences

And that’s where the strength is

I don’t want to float anymore

In this lazy river

It’s time I jump in the boat and see what that’s aboat

You will always be so Beautiful to me

This pained muse from the time of uncertainty

For longer than I had hoped

So many questions

Not enough answers

We had broken so many hearts

mainly eachothers

It’s important you know you are worth it

Whatever you’re going through

The pains the memories

I don’t need a response

I’ve blocked and deleted you by now

Because I cannot hold onto this sand on the beach anymore

and call it a castle

I’ve battled too many late nights for my sanity

My broken treasures piecing back together

To find a shell of the man I need to be

I put it to my ear and can hear your laugh

Especially that snort u deny ever having

That smile with the little gap in your teeth

And how you held me in Switzerland one final time

You are magic

But I have to take that back too

these spells need casting across this lake

as I float along

Goodbye comes too soon

when you’re saying Farewell to the moon

But the rays rise over the horizon as it becomes noon

I hate how hard I cry for you

but can’t muster up a tear for my own suffering

disconnect from this truth

Amusing mistakes in my youth

I kept coming back to you for a reason

Forgetting my own needs

I wanted you to see me

How deeply I loved you

I didn’t want you to miss it

times you felt unworthy

I never believed this

my addiction

Hindering me from expressing truly

Getting lost in the wind

I blew Across the lazy river

Fell into a little cottage with a boat

I even have a little moat

Welcoming visitors

But you are not welcome

Not because you’re you

but who I am to you

Who I become around you

Lost little lies formed

to impress distress

dangles dumbfounded

I hope you’re enjoying your dream life

Loving beautifully

What we couldn’t give eachother

Certainty

Security

everything happens for a reason

what would that life ever be

Constantly Questioning

your love for me

I know you’d be a great friend

But these tears have been shed

and these tools need resharpening

There is too much to do on this yard

Cut the grass gardening water the plants.

I don’t want to catch up cause I know how friendly we get

Mixed messages become clear in my mind

Then they cloud this sunshiny day

blocking the rays

becoming over cast

Too many spells spoken

Slipping stupidly

You make me lose trust in myself

Cause how could something so wrong

Still affect me this many years later

I claimed I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again

and I’m not there anymore

when we were together

Do you ever replay these days

that rearrange in our crazed phase

To attack my balanced praise

I believe in myself so deeply

Bountifully

Knowing my path

Then I see you pop into my chat box

The years of awaiting your call

hoping you’d show up at my door again

Drunkenly lost lusting loving

How can I miss someone so broken

Piecing it all together

The puzzles of my memories

Maintaining my cool

to be the role I needed to play

I don’t know if I was ever actually myself those nights

Or if I got used to being this avatar for you

Losing my sense of self along the way

Deep down I know I wish

I could have dim sum with you

Something so sacred and Beautiful in my family

paired with your presence

I have to take this back too

I cannot sit reminscing of times

we tried to get along

Pretending to be friends

Forgetting my needs

to accommodate yours

I did everything I can

to be what you needed

But the look of love lasted

lingering losing learning