Goodnight Mirror, Goodnight Moon…

A mirror in the sky as I look to you, I desire to reflect you.

A bold presents and a treasure to behold,

You know your worth and I look to you to know that I have worth and a creation that was designed to guide me desires to guide me and all I need to say is I accept.

Goodnight mirror,

I say in silent breath and place the mirror towards the wall,

The first time doing this where shame was not an energy or a feeling,

But the mirror itself is now just an object which does not control me.

I've had you placed in areas at all times so I could make you be the very thing I longed to see and encountered hate towards the most.

Now the mirror just being an object in which I can look into when i desire to admire,

Not to pinch the sides that I tried to hide since the day that I started to feel dead inside,

The mirror feeling as if it inched closer to look to a body that did not know it was a body because she lived in a world where her body became everyone else's body because she didn't know who she was because she was not the girl she was meant to be because she was not taught because they were not taught and because of this there understanding of love was at a level that could not help sustain the understanding that I was loved even thought I was never held.

I was sensitive and I am still sensitive and I have to unlearn the idea that sensitive was a bad word, I was the black sheep some have said to me but I believe I was more just a black hole,

From a very young age this hole devoured me and I was in a black hole of a world in my mind and my body detaching from a brain that it once knew because it was scared.

Because it was not loved the way it needed and the reality is..is that i am not mad at my parents because to be mad at my parents is to be mad at things that were uncontrollable. I would like to say there were things that were and that is not to say that my pain is nothing because it has been the very thing that I let destroy me and now I live in no longer the shadows but I make the shadows because I am no longer in my head where I would dance in the shadows of the light that would go through my eyes and you could sometimes see me but I was hidden under things that were not your fault,

Just a result.

But the love that I have is stronger than ever because it is balanced and understanding

But in these past few days the amount I have been shedding has been so extreme that I felt winded.

I felt like it was another cycle and the reality is that I still have borderline personality disorder and I will have days. Like these past few. Present..but tired.

This is where I rest, read, sleep and eat well.

Be around the ones I love,

And remember that I am the person that loves me most.

And,

That I am enough.

And that I have people who love me.

I placed the mirror there,

No longer a place for it in my room.

I will go to the mirror to admire and look at who I am.

But I can not shame no longer,

Because that does not fuel me.

My habit must break,

This might not be forever.

Listen to your gut.

This is so good for you.