GOLD

Sunshine of happiness

Sun ray of love.

Bright, gold and shining the light on joy.

That’s who I was.

Who I was described as.

I’ve always believed in the freedom to choose.

And every day I chose to shine.

To brighten people’s day,

To help others see, there is something to smile about, even when we don’t believe there is.

But then I took a turn for the worse.

A pandemic, bad news, false hope, death, a broken family, fear, worry, stress.

My life became a mess.

The pieces were all on the floor infront of me

Yet I couldn’t seem to make them fit,

I couldn’t put anything back together.

What people would then describe me as would be

The big dark cloud that sits in front of the sun on the day that was forecasted to be a perfect beach day.

I became the cloud who ruins that perfect day.

I had always been the person who could find joy in situations when nobody else could.

And when I stopped, it wasn’t because I wanted to.

I felt pain but I couldn’t feel any good.

I wanted to find the good, to shine light onto my own despair but I couldn’t.

So I went on. I went on to carry this dark dreadful cloud everywhere I went.

Until I remembered my strong belief in freedom.

I had felt so much hatred towards myself for believing in that, while I couldn’t relate.

But I soon realized, I was choosing to be this desolate rain cloud.

You see, I went on carrying this burden, trying to find the sunlight peaking through the darkness, but I couldn’t.

Because I chose to hold onto all that darkness. I held onto it and I let it reside in me, I let it control me, I let it chose for me.

All this time, all I had to do was chose my freedom.

I let go of the dark days

I let go of what broke my heart

And I let go of what I couldn’t change.

And once I did that, I found myself.

Sunshine of happiness

Sun ray of love

Bright, gold and shining the light on joy.

That is who I am.