GATOR QUIDDITCH TOURNEYS

”Look Mommy, there’s a gator up in the sky.”

“Son, we may be in Florida, but that’s still a lie.”

“BUT … It’s right there and there’s a girl on its back.”

Son, I swear… What the hell?! Crap! Dodge the flack!”

SPLAT!!

….

If gator’s could fly in our Florida sky

Imagine we’d all wash cars more …

I’m sure you know why…

But imagine flying high

soaring on a scaly reptile

An aeronautic killing machine

The thought makes me erectile…

🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍

Airboat tours in swamps w0uld charge lots more

To watch them scaly monsters swoop and soar

But they’d have to put up protective armor

Or feed gator’s tourist-pizza that’ll alarm ya… …

We’d be Divebombing pythons in Everglades

And Hovering outside our exes window-shades

Oh the tourneys we could host

Jousting on flying gators at the annual roast

A lance of lightweight titanium

Tipped with just a molecule of uranium

Bit if you miss your stroke it’s okay

A good gator bite may save the day

Cops could use them as stealth infiltrators for drug raids

Fly by night Gator-SWAT teams in Miami Dade

No poodle or schnauzer would be safe

From this flying eating machine’s dynamic strafe

…. Please Keep Your Kids Out of the Flying Gator Zone…

Would be the sign makers newest tone

….

Regardless: my poor brain is stuffed with images

Of the newest Gator-Quidditch scrimmages

Somehow we’d get that in the Olympics

Though I’m not certain of the specifics

Probably no golden snitch

Since the gator’ll just swallow that silly bitch

We’d design a light weight steel ball to throw in the hoops

As our Gator-Quidditch players scream and whoop

A ball large enough to choke a large gator

But scented like swamp carrion in order to bait ‘er

…

Disney World could have a field day at Animal Kingdom

With a batch of flying gators where the trappers flinged ‘em

Soaring, snapping, eating, and screwing

Until we had a Jurassic Reptile escape a’brewing

Tourists would flock there instead of Cinderella’s Castle

To watch wannabe be Tarzan’s them beasts wrestle

Any way you slice it, sounds like a blast

I’d love to soar high and hopefully fast

On a saddled up gator with huge wing span

Before hitting the beach to work on my tan