Gaslit Again

It is difficult for me to distinguish between narcissism and empathic. I am both, sometimes one more than the other (off balance) but I am too self-aware to deny both parts of me. Yet according to the definitions prescribed I am gaslit for being empathic. At this moment I am hearing a lyric from a song (by John Mayer's song "Why Georgia Why").... "....don't believe me when I say I've got it down...." I can feel that line. Just when I thought I was calm, cool, collected, peaceful, and accepting of myself and my life, just when I thought it was SAFE to act human again, I got gaslit and I burned up in flames.

After the inferno, I took 5 advils and 2 sleeping pills. I still didn't fall asleep for about 3 hours. Then I slept for about 5 hours and awoke a little after midnight. Went for a walk. The evil eye moon was in the sky. I sat by the homeless man wondering if that would be me soon. I thought about the feelings that followed the gas-lighting. Rage. Fury. Venom and Vindictive. And definitely Hatred. It burns. Burns. But when the fire of fury burns down to embers, logic and proportion return. Then it is just the sad lonely existence of KNOWING that I can't trust anyone. Ever. Because that is all they want to do to me. Make me bleed and burn. Whatever kindess I have saved it can only be shown to myself. I can not share it with anyone because they will betray my trust every time. They (those pathetic creatures you call humans) are not humane. They are pure Evil. They are not just guilty of the seven deadly sins, they live for them. If they weren't looking insane and thriving in their filth and guilt, they wouldn't know what to do with themselves. Love is just a silly game to them. Kindness is just weakness and as soon as they spot it, they will annihialate it. They are worse than cruel or savage. They are pure Evil.

So as a survivor of their games, tricks, and evil doings, I can not ever trust them. Never, ever, never. I must look upon each stranger as if it is the most dangerous creature that exists. And I must count and remember every time they "tried" me and the fire of wrath burned, burned, burned.

I am not human anymore. There is not one drop of pride or respect left in me to be human. I loathe humanity, the most disgraceful disgusting evil creature ever created.