Fuck You!

I thought I could trust you.. I thought I was safe with you..

After all you’re my fucking family and it still didn’t stop you.

You thought it would never get out.

You thought it wouldn’t affect the life you have now?

The moment it started I was so young.

You took something I’ll never get back.

You changed my view on other men.

You affected me in such a way at such a young age.

Yet still you think there is nothing wrong!?

Yet still you keep taking from me?

Yet still I have to be the bigger person?

What did I do wrong?

What made you feel like it should be me?

The first time you touched me I was so young I didn’t know it was wrong!

The first time you made me touch you I was sick to my stomach but still thought it was normal.

Can you believe that? My whole being was telling me no but I was too young to know right from wrong.

Yet, you weren't! You’re a fucking monster.

I finally learned in school it was wrong and that whole time you had been abusing me I knew. My whole being knew you were in the wrong.

You continued to abuse me for so long.

It wasn’t until you decided touching wasn’t enough anymore that you really stole everything.

It wasn’t until you forced yourself into me that completely broke me.

It wasn’t until you stole my virginity without permission that it was all too much for me.

I became the outcast in the family.

I became the monster no one understood.

I became the unsocial child that didn’t trust man.

The funny thing is I still held it all in.

On my worst days I’m still a better human than you.

On my hardest days I’d never put someone through what you put me through.

I wanted an older brother that would protect me.

I wanted an older brother that would be there for me.

What I got was an evil piece of shit.

What I have is the scum of this earth.

Yet, you still want me to give more.

Yet, you still ask me to hold the truth for your benefit.

I lost so much family when it all came out.

I lost my sanity.

I had to relive every moment again..

I relive every moment I’m around you.

I have to be the stronger person in any given situation because that's what’s expected of me.

I have to pretend it doesn’t kill me every time I see you.

Every time I have to say I love you.

I want to scream. I want to tell you to go to hell. To get the fuck out of my life.

Yet, I don’t.

Yet, I am always here.

Yet, I held our family together by losing myself.

You stole everything from me.

Yet, I’m suppose to be okay..