Freedom

Weakness is disgusting to me

Anything I can see myself suffering through is weakness

I’ll kill before I become weak

But sometimes weakness is strength

When the choice to kill or not to kill is the line in between freedom and none

Freedom is being able to notice how beautiful the leaves are on the trees

In the sunlight

Freedom is walking the streets when the sky is dark with rain clouds

Feeling uneasy and exhilarated before the storm

Freedom is knowing that cocaine makes you feel hollow

Freedom is buying kale instead of chocolate

Freedom is choosing to deal with your triggers instead of projecting them onto other people

Freedom is self imposed restraint

Freedom is the ability to rise above your thoughts

Freedom is to give energy to esoteric philosophizing

Instead of worrying about all the people dying

Freedom is the ability to laugh in the face of slaughter

Freedom is living fully

Being sad because you have been happy

Being warm because you have been cold

Freedom is finding strength in a world that seems unfair

To you

To people who look like you

To people who act like you

To people who live selflessly

Freedom is reveling in your rage

And painting murals of loud, vibrant colors

Instead of blood

Freedom is reveling in your anguish

And writing twisted broken poetry

Instead of twisting and breaking limbs

Freedom is clawing out of your own self loathing

And self pity

Freedom is self control

What the fuck is it to be free?!

I can go to the mountains

To the ocean

To an open field

To an abandoned parking garage and scream

Freedom is knowing that the world is big enough to absorb the impact of my pain

Freedom is the ability to acknowledge hate and process it until it becomes dislike

Freedom is embracing the darkest parts of myself and digesting those harsh truths until they become insights

And I gain understanding

Freedom is playing the electric guitar and screeching out my emotions at the top of my lungs

Freedom is dancing without being afraid of looking stupid

Freedom is singing loudly without the fear of taking up space

Freedom is expression

And unapologetic

Freedom is choosing virtue when we are able to choose

Freedom is loving the winter because hot chocolate, soup, and fire feel so much warmer

Freedom is loving the summer because fuck clothes, sleeping with ice packs between my thigs, the windows open, and the fan on

Freedom is loving humidity because it makes my hair curly and my skin damp

Freedom is loving sweat because it is the body releasing toxins

Freedom is the metal taste in my throat when I run too hard

Freedom is smelling fresh cut grass

It reminds me of the soccer fields

Working out as hard as I can

I can not focus on anything besides the proper form of my body

I can not concentrate on anything else besides urging my muscles to keep going

I can not stop because I will not be able to start again

So I push

Harder

And focus

Harder

And achieve

Greater

That is freedom

Freedom is a level of elevation above happy and sad

Freedom is above worry and care

Freedom is clinical and matter of fact

Freedom is serene and enlightening

As much as freedom is the expression of loathing and infatuation

Freedom is a lack of the need for emotion and expression

Freedom is just as much life as it is death

I feel free because I breath

I feel free because I’ll die

Every day I wake up

I feel no qualms when I want to hate

I feel no qualms when I want to love

Freedom is allowing for any and all feelings within you

Without loosing your SELF

(As you know your SELF to be)

Freedom is recognizing SELF as only one of the agencies present within the physical vessel

Freedom is the ability to compartmentalize at will

Freedom is the ability to love even after experiencing countless pains

And going through countless sufferings

Freedom is the ability to have no shame

Freedom is the ability to write about freedom

I used to only be able to write about emptiness

(Thank god for all the ups and downs that have brought me here)

Freedom is relinquishing control of my life

And trusting that what has happened and is happening to me is perfect for me

Freedom is acknowledging the things that feel freeing to me

When the cynic inside my head tells me

That I will never be free

Freedom is changing habits

Freedom is discipline

Freedom is being able to find beauty in a fraction of existence

Because the whole is to large to grasp