Fragile Soft Bird of Prey

The beginning of remembered life

They say, is 3 years old

The stream of consciousness

I let in to wander my trembling mind

Brings me to nullified

f e e l i n g s

Like an ant doing its part

To feed

The

Queen

The work is mechanical

Cold

The rote memory of someone petrified of softness

Juxtaposed

With a faithful kneeling at God’s altar praying to be heard

There in-between is

A hollowed eyed little girl with inky straight bangs

staring into s p a c e

as an auditorium roars on kindergarten graduation day

No trace of a smile

The lady takes photo

after photo

Memories…

the shutter shuts again

a living vintage doll in ruffles holding a floral bunny

Staring past

Staring past

tossed in waves like a chipped seashell

In time she grew…

Morphing blank stares into screams of red hot words made to cut steel

into muffled howls in darkened rooms

into fabricated eye crinkling smiles to keep the

i l l u s i o n

Once the pain became numb…

leaning into all forms of

e s c a p e

Altering the mind to feel…

N o r m a l

seized in the form of destruction

abandoning myself

As if nothing in me

Of me

Could ever be sacred

Like the wounds of a third degree burn victim

The raw exposed minced meat stays covered

by a thin film of glistening ointment

wrapped in sterile white gauze

a safe barrier for adults

Who cannot bear to look at their grotesque neglect

too c l o s e l y

The scars remain hidden even now

if you gaze into toasted brown eyes

A hairline crack may

Expose

Depth of loss

hold on a little longer

I’ll crumble…

Into blooming roadside wild flowers

As raindrops fall from cool stones

clinging on to the minutes of fleeting beauty

quietly fighting to stay alive

in a dreadful beginning that knows no end

And an end

that has no beginning

I still

allow little skin hairs to absorb every brush of contact

Like a gift from a child

kept

sacred