Forever Yellow

Lying upon the still green water, the black limbs of the trees seem to call out to me, and the space of the sky seemingly has no more light yet no dusk.

I dream with no light or sound. When I finally awaken, I see the murky blue green water above me.

‘Can you my hear music under the water?’ I think, floating around with the seaweed and other life around me.

I always wanted to know how it felt to climb a tree. To feel what air was in a set of lungs. Cool, sweet, crisp morning air. And to hear song birds. To hear crickets, and the beetles scuttling around the mud and grass. To hear rain.

It’s all a fantasy. But I’d like to dream.

Most of my dreams are nightmares, in reality and in fantasy. I lurk in shadows because I am a shadow.

But I cannot live. I feel dead, yet here I am, still holding unto the last bit of light left in my soul, and I cannot bring myself to let that light die.

Because of you.

You, my darling, I found you standing by my home and I barely could see your outline. Yet I knew I was in love with you—across space and time and between the barriers of water and the crushing weight of air. The love I felt was immediate within my own song, and when I started to sing, you ran away.

I once had found the sun, but tears drowned the rays.

“Ophelia…!”

I sang through the lonely weight of my heart, the waves, the deep blue bubbles.

Yellow——I’m

Yellow

I’m

Inside the moon

Bursting in the story

Of your dying heart

I’m yelloooow… yellow…

My blue skin tingles

With the thought of you!

But I’m just yellow, yellow

Yeah, I can never be with you….

I look up from the edge of the water, my pained eyes as I see you looking at me.

I can see your eyes. And they are seeing me, really seeing me. As though for that brief moment, we aren’t trapped in different places and worlds.

Like we’re there in the same dream, with each other in a small chamber, and can breathe the same thing and feel the same burning feeling. We created this room with our very breath, shared and longing.

I hear him—-he bellows out—-

“I’m blue….. I’m blue…

Green and gray and blue….

Don’t leave me…

Don’t leave me….

I’ll be coming to you….”

Our hands reach for the other.

I’m

Sinking, barely above the surface.

Our love is without words.

“Ophelia, is that you?”

I sink. I delve into my watery grave.

It was my father who spoke.

Now, I can return to him, once again,

Forever

Yellow, like the sun, with his welcoming

Embrace.